Is it possible to mourn something that you never had? My husband and I were blessed with two beautiful sons. Both of us had also wanted a daughter. Last summer we decided to try for that "daughter". We were again blessed to find out that we were pregnant on our first try. We were so excited. We started dreaming what our lives would be like with the daughter that we always wanted. We were so certain that the baby I was carrying was a girl. We even named her, Marissa. She would be the perfect addition to our family. She would have two big brothers to watch over her and two parents that would adore her. What could be better than that? Well, God had other plans for us.
At our 18 week sonogram, we found out we having another boy. In that moment, I am not going to lie, I felt a sense of loss. Both of us had decided that this baby would be our last. We would not be having a little girl.
I always thought I was meant to have a daughter. I am a girls girl. I always dreamed of shopping for the perfect baby girl clothes and playing with barbies with my little girl. There would be dancing and cheerleading and boys to talk about. When she was older, I would help her pick out her wedding dress and help her when she had her own babies. See in my mind daughters always need their mothers even when the grow up. Boys tend to leave there mothers a bit when they grow up. I also grieved for my husband because he wanted a daughter so badly. He wanted to have "Daddy's little girl"
Don't get my wrong, I was very grateful for being told that we were have a healthy baby boy. He was beautiful even if it was just a sonogram picture.
I got over my loss pretty quickly two once I felt my little one kick inside me. He was our little man and we were blessed to have him. God knows what he is doing. I am good at raising boys. I am their cheerleader, their mommy and even though boys might leave their mothers later on, they certainly love their mommy now so I am going to take that in for as long as they will let me.
Nicholas has completed our family. He is such a joy to have and I can not imagine my life without him... so even though I still feel the loss from time to time, I am truly content with the family that we have created.
Awe what an honest and real thing to share. Yes it possible. I often, today was one of those days, mourn not having a sister. That is one of the reasons a part of me wanted our 2nd child to be a girl so Mary would have a sister. Now we are done having children and she, like me will never have a sister. My heart aches for the sister I lost before I was born, and I feel cheated and like I am missing out on something. I pray Mary finds strength and friendship in her 3 girl cousins and the friends she will make as the years go by. I would guess it must be so painful to not have your mom now, and part of you wanted a girl that you could always be there for? Find comfort in that your boys have same sex siblings and will have the bonds of brotherhood! God has a plan and we have to trust in it, even when it hurts. Your boys LOVE you and I believe will stick by you, always. XO
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