I have been dreading this day since the day Nicholas was born. I knew that in a few short weeks, I would have to go back to work and our days of spending every minute together would be over. I know that I should have been mentally preparing for that but no matter what you do, I don't think you can prepare enough to leave your baby. I have been crying inside for days. I just can fathom leaving him tomorrow.... My heart is aching.
Maybe because I know that he is my last baby? Maybe it is because I am a control freak and want everything done the way I have set it up? Maybe it is because I am afraid that he will start to forget me a little or maybe it is just because I know once I go back to work time seems to go in fast forward and days turn into months and then next we know, he will be a year. I don't want time to speed up. I want to enjoy every minute of him. I want to be there when he does every single one of his "firsts".
Part of me wishes I could stay home but part of me also likes to work. I like feeling like an adult at times. I know that I just need to get use to this next chapter but today I don't like it. He has been joy to be around. I love everything we do together. I will miss our morning routine and our afternoon walks, and just plain hanging out together. Luckily, Daddy taking some time off, so I know that he will be in good hands. It will make the transition a little better.
I love you my little monkey :)
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